Numb...

Earlier today, my campus minister asked me what one word would describe the way I feel right now. I thought about it for a few seconds, but all I could think was, "numb."

I don't mean numb in a negative sense. Things are actually going quite well, and I'm seeing answered prayers right and left. My numbness isn't a reaction to some kind of hurt or pain, but rather it's a reaction to sheer overstimulation.

The cozy little life-bubble that I've been living in quite comfortably for the past 4 years has popped, and everywhere I look, I see new places, new people, new tasks, new joys, new sorrows, new issues, new everything. Well...not new everything. That would be an overstatement. I am constantly reminded that even my new surroundings, we are serving the same God.

Not only is most everything in my life completely new right now, but everything seems to be...well...bigger. No more quiet little campus tucked away in the Birmingham suburbs. And there are so so so many more people. This is not a bad thing. Not at all. I'm actually quite excited about it, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard.

It's no wonder that my Meyers-Briggs personality indicator placed me just barely on the Introverted side. I feel like my life is a constant struggle between those two sides of my personality. My introverted side tends to become upset when he gets ignored and pushed aside, and he finds ways to come back with a vengeance. He's been getting quite testy lately.

So I find myself holed up here in Starbucks...decompressing and desperately trying to process everything going on in my life right now. But is there so much going on...hence the numbness. Again, things are going very well, but my heart's processor is just a little backlogged. So you'll forgive me, of course, if this post is more informational and less reflective ("but this whole post has been nothing but reflection so far," you say. "good grief, you just gave personalities to the two different sides of your personality." you make a good point.)

Now that I've got all that out of the way...what has been going on since my last non-food related post? a LOT.

• We had our 2nd large group on Tuesday, and we had even more students show up than before (largely because sorority rush was going on the first week). Brent, our campus minister, began his fall series, "Relationships: Dating, Marriage, and Sex." I was able to meet a lot more students, and it was again a great and very encouraging experience.
• We had our first Freshman Guys Bible Study on Thursday afternoon. Brent is leading it, and we will be studying the Sermon on the Mount. We had 25 guys show up, which was fantastic! I made many more connections there, and I look forward to hanging out and getting to know these guys better over the next few weeks and months.
• We just got back from our Ministry Team retreat in beautiful Townsend, TN...just outside the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. There are 55 students on 2 different ministry teams, one for Upperclassmen (also known as the "Varsity") and one for sophomores (also known as, yes, the "JVs"). The ministry team is made up of students who are committed to serving their fellow students through ministry with RUF.

Brent did a wonderful job organizing the retreat. Instead of focusing on ministry business and details and logistics, the majority of the time was spent on our own personal walks with Christ and discussing what it meant to live in Christian community. Brent told us our job, ultimately, is to grow in Christ and rub off on others. None of the other stuff matters if we as a staff and ministry team aren't growing in our own walks with Christ and learning to show each other love and live in community. Our service must flow out of that. We did cover some important business and logistics for the semester, but it was so refreshing to be able to put first things first.

We drove into the park this afternoon, and we were able to have some quiet alone time. This was a great blessing. Even just an hour of quiet in God's beautiful Creation was such a welcome respite in the midst of life's recent craziness.

As great as the retreat was, I do still find myself again in the position of fighting off my introverted side's vindictive attacks. I had to push him back this weekend, and now he is demanding my attention. (thus, the reason i'm holed up in starbucks.) I would ask prayer as I find ways to work with the personality that God has given me. As "extroverted" as I have to be in this job, I must also respect my introverted side, and I have to give him time. Otherwise, he will make my life miserable.

Well, this post is already longer (and more reflective) than I had intended. Sometimes writing is a good way to process. I should do this more.

Before I write a book, let me go ahead and talk about the exciting stuff coming up.

• This week (starting tomorrow afternoon) I will begin meeting one-on-one with students, predominantly freshmen guys. I greatly covet your prayers, as I feel so inadequate for this particular aspect of the job. On the one hand, I find myself wanting to jump in and "fix" things with my own "wisdom," and on the other hand, I find myself not knowing what the heck to say. Pray that I will know when to hold back and when to speak up. Pray that I will be able to be a friend to these guys, and that I will be able to reflect Christ's love in their life. Pray that I will not point them to Stephen Moss, but rather that I will point them to their Redeemer.
• Third large group on Tuesday!
• Freshmen Guys Cookout at my apartment on Thursday after our second Bible study. Yep...we will be having the whole "small" group over, along with some upperclassmen who will be coming to help. I'm pumped. The grill my grandparents gave us is going to be thrown into duty very quickly. I'm so glad we live in a place like Sequoyah Village, where we not only have some space inside, but we have an awesome common courtyard area outside that will make events like this one possible. What a blessing!

Okay, I'm going to go ahead and wrap this up.

After a couple more points, that is.

I realize I haven't had many pictures to post lately. That's mostly because I have lost my digital camera. I have no idea where it is (typically the way it goes with things that are lost). I'll hopefully be getting a copy of the group picture we took today at the Ministry Team Retreat, and I'll post it on here as soon as I get it. (Update: you'll see it up there now!)

I also realize I haven't posted any pictures of the apartment yet. I can't wait to, but I'm waiting until we put the finishing touches on the place. It looks great already, and my roommate Jeff and I are so excited about the living situation. I'll post more on that once there are pictures to go with it.

My fall newsletter will be going out sometime in September. If would like to get one and are not currently on my mailing list (meaning you haven't received anything RUF-related from me by snail-mail), then send your adddress to me at stephen.moss@ruf.org. Also, if you would like to be on my email newsletter list, let me know that as well.

Thank you all for your love, support, encouragement, and prayers. I realize the beginning of this post sounded a little melodramatic, but God has been so good and I'm so thankful for all of His blessings. Things are going very well in Knoxville. Just continue to pray that my heart, which is currently overflowing with all of life's newness, will be able to begin soaking in the lessons that God has for me to learn. This numb feeling is not a good one...

Let me know if you're ever passing through Knoxville. I love being so close to the mountains, and I am excited to share them with you, as well as this awesome city. Maybe I'll even make you a Hawaiian turkey burger.

Until next time -

Resting in His promises,

Stephen