In college, I would work hard on an assignment or take a test...and then I would get a grade. I could easily keep track of how things were going, and then at the end of the semester, I would get my final grade, and my GPA was a nice and neat little number that summed up my level of success in higher education.
When I played basketball in high school (Go Lions!), a basket was worth 2 points, and whoever had the most points at the end of the game...won.
These clear-cut successes and/or failures that my life has been built around are no longer there. Instead, I often find myself at the end of a week looking back and wondering if I actually accomplished anything of any worth. My schedule might have been full, but did it have any impact? Am I just spinning my wheels?
If I am doing all of this by my own power, then the answer is yes...I am just spinning my wheels.
But when it comes right down to it, I am not called to change lives. I am not called to fix problems, ease pain, or give advice. I do not have the capacity and am in no position to do any of those. I am called, as my campus minister says, to grow in Christ and rub off on others. I am called to point students to their Redeemer, the only One who can truly change lives. I am called to bring students to the Word, where true wisdom is found. Only when I am doing this am I truly "successful." Only when I'm pointing students to Christ is anything else I may do for or with them worthwhile. I pray that as I interact with students, there will be more and more of Him and less and less of me.
And when I am pointing students to Christ...I must trust and rest in the knowledge that God is indeed at work.
This keeps me going. This keeps me pressing on even when I see no obvious evidence that I'm accomplishing anything of worth. This keeps me from despairing when I'm unable to do everything I see that needs to be done. This keeps me from worrying when I fear that I've done too much.
I must realize that God is at work in the lives of students, and that work does not depend on me. I am merely blessed and humbled to be able to participate in that work, to be an instrument in the hands of the Redeemer.
So at the end of a discouraging meeting, when a planned event has fallen through, when I make mistakes...I trust that God is at work, both in the lives of students and in my own life. This keeps my eyes focused on Him and keeps me focused on loving rather than "fixing."
We are not called to success...we are called to faithfulness.
I do not write this to imply that I've seen no actual signs of God's work or that I haven't been encouraged by various interactions and experiences. By God's grace, I have already been able to see hearts being transformed and growth occurring. That doesn't even include all the places I see much potential for transformation and growth...which is exciting!
And should my humble language give the wrong idea, I do not see myself or my internship as failure! Not by a long-shot! My whole point and the beauty of the gospel is that we are NOT failures when we trust and rely on the grace and work of God. I have seen success, but not from myself.
I'm so excited to continue in this internship and see fruit continue to develop as God continues to work. I would not be so excited if this depended on me or my effort, but when I trust that God is at work, I am trusting that He will take my feeble attempts at faithfulness and use them for His glory and His Kingdom.
That, my friends, is exciting. God's glory and the growth of His Kingdom (not my own) is true success. It's hard for results-driven people like me to not always see the obvious evidence of this success, but God is indeed at work, and I can rest in that promise.
No comments:
Post a Comment