The craziness of the beginning of the semester has settled into a general weekly pattern. I'm starting to get the hang of things. I have my Large Group routine for Tuesday afternoons and evenings, and Buffalo Wild Wings has officially become a new post-Freshmen Guys Bible Study tradition. I'm continuing to meet new people, and getting to know others better.
My apartment already feels like home...maybe because of the giant sectional couch in the living room that had been in our living room back home since before I was born. Maybe because of the wood floors and cozy atmosphere. More likely, because I have an awesome roommate that I get along very well with, who has been a great encouragement and friend to me.
But as Knoxville continues the transition from a stiff pair of brand-new sneakers to a comfortable pair of old slippers, that familiarity isn't always good. Old life-patterns pop back up as my comfort-level rises. As I sit here and type this, that same sectional couch is covered with a variety of electronic paraphernalia, my new ESPN college football encyclopedia (for the freshmen guys, of course...), and a pile of blowpops taped to RUF cards. The sink is buried under a pile of dishes from the past two days. My bed is unmade.
All those routines and good habits that were supposed to be so much easier after college have slipped further and further away as the busy-ness level has gone up. Good intentions fly out the window as the tyranny of the urgent reigns.
This was especially apparent this morning, as I fully intended to wake up at a decent hour to get a good jog in, spend some time in prayer, and eat a relaxed breakfast before heading off to our 10am weekly staff meeting. Well, the rain didn't exactly help. The alarm kept getting reset and reset until I found myself dragging out of bed at 9am...already defeated and the day hadn't even begun. I showered and was getting dressed, already realizing I would likely be late for the staff meeting without even a jog or a quiet time to show for it. That's when I noticed a text message I had missed while I was in the shower. It was from Brent, my campus minister. It said he was cancelling our staff meeting on one condition: that we spend the time to be alone and to be still. It was an odd condition...one that I was tempted not to abide by. I could use that time for so many other things.
However, I could already feel God pulling on my heart. Even when my weakness kept me from going to God and spending needed time with Him, He continued to pursue me. I knew I needed to spend this time with Him now.
I grabbed my book and stepped outside to walk across the street to Blackbird Coffee. I was surprised by the coolness of the air, and the light drizzle that had kept me in bed far too long now felt strangely refreshing.
I won't bore you with all the mundane details of my day that honestly wouldn't make much sense if I typed them out here, because I'm not sure if I completely understand them myself. All I know is that I find myself falling back into old patterns of life, and God used a cancelled meeting and a good rain to speak to my heart today.
I am constantly amazed by the beauty of Creation. I think we sometimes steer clear of any talk about God in nature for fear of being labeled a mystic or a pantheist. It is true that the only way to God is specifically revealed only in His inspired Word, but He also uses His Creation to speak to us as well. After all, we read in Scripture that the Heavens declare the glory of God.
Today was both a rainy day and a Monday, but unlike the Carpenters' song, it did not get me down. As the rain fell in a cool, soft shower almost all day, I could feel God's presence as I meditated on the gospel and how my poor life patterns had no effect on His love for me. Our study program book for this month is Jerry Bridges' The Discipline of Grace. Bridges encourages his readers to preach the gospel to themselves everyday, because we so easily forget the message of the gospel and what it means for our life.
"Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace." -- Jerry Bridges
This Monday was off to a bad start. One more bad start to add to a chain of them that's far too long. God used a cancelled meeting and some rain to calm my mind, quiet my soul, and get my attention. While it would certainly be wise and beneficial for me to work on these bad habits and start some new good ones, my failures have no impact whatsoever on God's love for me. That deep, deep love of God is a much better inspiration for life change than the guilt that I pour on myself day after day.
So yes, ironically, in writing this blog post I have inadvertently stayed up too late once again. [sigh]. But His mercies are new every morning, and by His grace, when that alarm goes off tomorrow morning, I will get up and start my day off right. But I also know that should my flesh prevail, as it has so often, His love for me can never change. That's the message that keeps me going. That's the message that I need to preach to myself everyday, and that's the message that God is calling me to share with the students of the University of Tennessee.
It's not about what we do. It's about what Christ did.
Please continue to be in prayer for me as I do continue to adjust to life here in Knoxville. My meetings with students continue to go well. Please be in prayer for these students as they face all the confusion, frustrations, and struggles that college life can bring. Pray that God will give me the wisdom to know how to best share His love and His grace and how to best demonstrate the gospel in my own life.
Specific events coming up this week: Large Group tomorrow (Tuesday) night, Freshmen Guys Bible Study on Thursday night, and I am planning on having the Freshmen Guys over to my apartment to watch the Tennessee-LSU game on TV Saturday.
Thank you all again so much for your prayers, encouragement, and support. As I seek to minister to the students of UT, I am finding God working on my own heart so much more.
Resting in His promises,
Stephen
